All The Feels #1
Some of the things I am consuming to help me navigate the darkness of January
All The Feels is a monthly round up of the things that have left me feeling a whole range of emotions.
Creativity
Creativity is a need that I (and many people) often neglect. Yet I know that if I make space for it in my life, I can reap benefits that far outweigh the stress of making it happen. A while ago I stumbled across someone who makes mini bookshelves complete with mini copies of the books she has read. Let me tell you, the joy I experienced at simply watching this was palpable. And as is the way with social media, the more you watch and like, the more similar posts are served up to you, which in this case is a win. As a result, last week this little pocket of joy popped up too. So now I am left wondering if in fact I can just soothe my ongoing urge open a café and library by simply making a mini version for myself?
Another unexpected joy was found courtesy of the wonderful Georgina Hayden. Who knew that steaming hot tampons were the secret behind the best roast chicken adverts?!
Consuming
I am currently in a phase of drinking copious amounts of green tea with mint. Made in a mini pot with handfuls of fresh mint. This little set up is bringing me a lot of refreshing joy - the caffeine hit but without the sluggishness and aftertaste of milk. Tea bags with words of wisdom are also a welcome bonus.
And something that I am (thankfully) consuming in lower quantities are the orange and vanilla Morning Buns from Sugardough Bakery. I’m genuinely relieved that I do not live within walking distance, because my willpower is quite frankly not strong enough. I implore you to try one (or two) the next time you are in Brighton or Hove.
Reading
At the end of 2023, I pulled together a list of all the books I had read and was genuinely surprised that I had managed to read more than I expected. 2024 is off to a somewhat slower start, and I am currently mixing up books with more newsletters here on Substack.
I finally got round to reading Really Good, Actually by Monica Heisey, which has been on my TBR pile for a few months. A light, easy read is exactly what was needed to transition back into the world of work and normal routine. I didn’t laugh out loud as seemed to be promised by the reviews. However, the intense discomfort at Maggie’s struggle to reconcile with her new self post divorce felt reminiscent of that for me post loss.
In terms of newsletters, I am particularly loving Anniki’s Midlifing It. Her honesty and wit are brilliant (and her Instagram Stories are well worth a watch too). My friend also introduced me to her friend’s newsletter The Lucyverse, which includes hilarious reviews of all sorts of weird and wild things. A recent highlight was this post on workout wear. Hard recommend.
Gogglebox
January has brought a few things into my life viewing wise that have been such unexpected delights. I didn’t watch the first series of The Traitors, but having been persuaded by some wise friends, with clearly excellent taste in TV, I have given this second series a go. Quite frankly, it is the gift that just keeps giving. The twists and turns. The wild theories and traitor tactics. Diane’s funeral. The social media posts after each episode. And most of all, Claudia and her outfits. Thank you for being the televisual sensation I never knew I needed.
It has taken me a while to watch the third series of After Life. I loved the first one and then really didn’t get on with the second, but I’m glad I eventually gave this final series a go. To be honest, I don’t find it to be funny at all, but the portrayal of grief and grieving – particularly Tony’s anger – is something to behold. Brutal, harsh, raw and at times scary, this is the side of grief that we deserve to see in the mainstream so that it feels less terrifying when we see and feel it within ourselves and those we love. A much-needed big snotty cry was had when we finished the final episode, triggered in part by this poem read by Lisa:
Do not stand
By my grave, and weep.
I am not there,
I do not sleep—
I am the thousand winds that blow
I am the diamond glints in snow
I am the sunlight on ripened grain,
I am the gentle, autumn rain.
As you awake with morning’s hush,
I am the swift, up-flinging rush
Of quiet birds in circling flight,
I am the day transcending night.
Do not stand
By my grave, and cry—
I am not there,
I did not die.
— Clare Harner, The Gypsy, December 1934
Beautiful.
We have finally reached a point in our parenting journey where we can go to the cinema and (just about) watch a whole movie in one go. As someone who finds Sunday afternoon cinema to be one of the most delicious and decadent things to do, this has been a huge win.
This weekend, armed with many snacks, we watched the Disney animation Wish. I hadn’t expected much more than a couple of hours of downtime, but in true Disney style, the underlying themes pulled on something deeper. The idea that we need our hopes, dreams and wishes in order to live a full and rich life - even if they can’t or won’t come to fruition - felt so aligned with my current musings on reproductive trauma. How the stories and hopes we have for our future are the things that guide and drive us. And that when these are taken away, we lose a part of ourselves. It got me thinking about how we will all inevitably have some of our precious dreams shattered. This is the harsh reality of life. However, being able to create something new and unexpected - and maybe even beautiful - from those shards is the thing that can keep us going.
The little fallen star also reminded me of one of my favourite children’s book, My Pet Star by Corrine Averiss. I challenge anyone to read it without shedding at least one tear.
Places and spaces
I haven’t spent as much time in or by the sea this winter, which I imminently need to rectify. After a short hiatus over Christmas, I am now back at my wonderful yoga studio Luna Wave. And when you are met with sunrises like this, there genuinely isn’t a better way or place to start your day. 10/10.
Listening
I’m very late to the game (again), but I am currently bingeing the back catalogue of Where There’s a Will, There’s a Wake with Kathy Burke. This is definitely not something I would recommend for the newly bereaved or those in the depths of grieving. But what I think is absolutely genius about this podcast is the way in which Kathy tackles the topic that so many of us are terrified to broach: death. Anything that can get us thinking and talking about this is a win for me - and what better way to do so than through laughter.
I very much hope you enjoyed this first round up of All The Feels. Please do share any recommendations of your own below. The more eclectic the better 😊 …….
Michelle x
Why have I never thought to draw faces on my eggs?
I will rectify that straight away, sharpie at the ready!
👏👏👏
Love All The Feels! (And couldn’t agree more about Where There’s A Will, There’s A Wake) xxx