At least

On walking the fine line between finding hope and self invalidation

Photo by Aleksandr Ledogorov on Unsplash

Let me start by saying that I continue to believe that these words should never be uttered from one person to another in the context of loss or trauma. When offered to someone else, the intention is often to move them towards a place of hope and gratitude. But when you are hurting and grieving, receiving this statement is almost always experienced as invalidating and lacking in empathy. This is toxic positivity in action. Premature and enforced post traumatic growth.

So please, if you feel this about to roll off your tongue and out of your mouth, swallow it back down as quickly as possible.

However, with all that said, I recognise that when I am going through a particularly difficult time, these are the two words that constantly whirl through my own mind. “At least (we have / we can / we might / we could….)” are consistent companions as I navigate stress, overwhelm and grief. In fact, I can vividly remember conversations I had just days after Orla died that began with “at least”, and even now, I know I found genuine comfort in them.