S(h)elf Help #1

Some of the books on grief that I love and love to recommend

(S)helf help is my monthly round up of the books I have personally found helpful and those that I consistently recommend to clients. Some months there will be a mini collection on a specific theme and on others will be a longer review of one or two books.

This month, I’ve included some of my favourite books on grief and grieving. In no particular order, these are the texts that I think can help us to better understand, normalise and conceptualise grief, whatever loss we might be navigating.

Grief Works: Julia Samuel

I really like this a general introduction to grief and grieving. The tone is comforting and wise, and Julia’s expertise and many years of experience enable you to feel confident in her message. The examples she shares from her practice normalise the intense and varied experiences of loss and grief, which can be particularly helpful if you are early in your grieving.

The Grieving Brain: Mary-Frances O’Connor

When you read this book, you realise how behind we really are in understanding the multiple processes that happen when we are faced with loss. Research into the ways in which the brain changes when we grieve is in its infancy, which is frustrating but also hopeful and exciting. I personally found it reassuring to better understand some of the basic and fundamental ways our brains (and therefore also our bodies) cope in the short- and long-term following loss.

A little tip: If listening to this as an audiobook on Audible, it can help to listen at 1.5 speed as the narrator speaks quite slowly.

The Year of Magical Thinking: Joan Didion

The thing I love about this book is how it tenderly yet frankly explores how we often wrestle with reality when someone dies. The concept of magical thinking is one that will be very familiar to anyone who has undertaken CBT (Cognitive Behavioural Therapy), and Joan beautifully demonstrates how it can manifest in the face of grief: the denial of this being her reality and the internal bargaining that so many of us will relate to…“if I just…then this will not be happening:”.

Another tip: Audible subscribers can listen to Vanessa Redgrave perform this book for free.

It’s Your Loss: Robyn Donaldson and Emma Hopkinson

I often recommend this to younger clients who are experiencing loss as it really captures the experience of losing someone at an earlier stage in your life. I particularly like how it encompasses loss and grief in its many forms, including the much less spoken about grief of estrangement.

H is for Hawk: Helen Macdonald

Helen’s descriptions of her grief are stunning. I think many of us can relate to the comfort and grounding that nature can bring when your life turns upside down, which is captured beautifully throughout this book. It took me a while to read, so I don’t think this would have been one for me in the very early days of grief.

Notes on Grief: Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie

Given how hard it is to focus when consumed by grief, short books are definitely a really helpful companion. Chimamanda’s collection of notes on her grief following her father’s death is something that I have returned to many times.

Grief is the Thing with Feathers: Max Porter

I think I held my breath for the majority of this short book. I have never read anything like it, and for that reason it is almost impossible to describe in words. It is genuinely a visceral experience to read. This won’t give you a neat and tidy understanding of grief, but what it will give you is a stark reflection of the messy, dark, scary, confronting, and sometimes comforting, companion of grief.

Grief Demystified: Caroline Lloyd

This is a wonderfully clear and concise overview of grief from an academic and historical perspective. It genuinely does what it says: demystifies and breaks down the experience of grief in a way that can be helpful at any point after your loss.

Have you read any of these books? What did you think? Or are there any you would add to this mini collection? I personally love the comments sections on book recommendation posts, so please share liberally!

Michelle x