You have an only child too?
On the importance of finding your community when parenting a one and only
I mentioned in my last newsletter that that weekend I had been to see Hollie McNish perform, supported by fellow poet Rosy Carrick. Alongside their incredible poetry, one of the things that really stayed with me was that they both shared that they are mothers to a single child. Both daughters. Both older than my own.
I looked to them in awe. Their intimate anecdotes of parenting, whilst specific to them, left me feeling seen. Their stories were also not positioned with this as the central premise in the way that I often feel I need to position my own. ‘They are an only child, but…’.
There were no buts. Their stories of motherhood were equal.
Since working through and coming to a place of acceptance that we won’t be expanding our family, my ‘spidey senses’ (maybe also known as hypervigilance) to parents of other only children has been heightened. When I meet someone with an only, I feel immediately drawn to them. I have a strong desire to hear their story. I want to share in their wisdom, their challenges and their joy. I want them to mirror back to me that they are okay. That they are happy.
And ultimately that their child is too.